Never Allow Fear To Define Who We Are

Fear. What a stupid feeling. And sometimes this very feeling will seed foolish thoughts and idiotic ideas into our heads. And if we allow fear to masquerade as "rationality" or " sound judgement" right into our lives, we are sure to fool ourselves into making potentially disastrous decisions especially for the long run. When time passes and the fog of fear slowly disappears,what may seemed rational or practical to our minds consumed by foolish fears at a certain moment will appear for what it really is, plain stupidity. And we will be kicking ourselves in regret for allowing fear to consume our hearts and minds, and even making irreversible mistakes.

My uncles favourite catch phrase directed to me usually goes along this line, "You don't have anybody. You don't have anyone to depend on." During the early days after my dad died many moons ago, I allowed my uncles words get to me. I lived in constant fear of what will happen to me. They seeded the thought within my heart that without them, I cannot survive in the world. My naive little teenage self started thinking, "To survive in this world, I must have people to depend on". This sort of reasoning brought on by the fears my uncles seeded into my soul caused me to become immune to all the shit they put me through without even a single thought of fighting back, standing up for myself. I was too consumed by the fear that my relatives will abandon me, and my life will be thrown in darkness.

Now thinking back, I realize how foolish these fears were.

Ever so often however, I will start to question myself, "Now what will happen to you? All of your friends have forgotten and left you. Your relatives have this strange hatred for you. You are alone. What are you going to do?" Then, I quickly remind myself I am pretty capable on my own two feet with my beliefs, principles and aspirations guiding my way. Experience have showed me I am pretty much screwed if I allow myself to depend on others.

I do not want to depend on anyone. I do not need to depend on anyone. I am my own captain, I am my own crew on this voyage called life. I should never allow my principles, my aspirations, and my identity ever be compromised by my fears. "I must never lose myself to these fears," I keep telling myself.

The soul can be a fragile thing. It can have its weak moments allowing at those unwatched times my old and familiar fears to creep in. So, I have to be vigilant, steadfast, always reminding myself to never allow this fears to consume me and skewing the decisions I will make.

I am an highly independent individual I have come to realize, and I will be akin to a caged and trapped animal if I have to depend on someone else to drive my life.
I will never and can never depend on anyone else. This is who I am truly, and I must never ever forget that.