Ebbs And Flows In The Murky Waters of Emotions

The tides of negative thoughts seem to have inundated my emotions lately despite my best efforts to stay afloat, to keep my head above the murky waters of life's ever consuming frustrations.
The clarity of emotions and thoughts seem to have taken a backseat lately in my head as despite myself, I allowed my thoughts to be completely swept away by the the ebbs and flows of regrets, fears of failure, and disappointments of my confusing life.
I nearly became drowned in these suffocating thoughts this week.

I was just tired of everything, and kept thinking where did I go wrong, what did I do wrong to have been treated in such a confounding way by the people I trusted, by my own family. I never got to enjoy the simplicity of a carefree youth. I was forced to grow up abruptly, but despite the sacrifices that time and time again I had to make, till today I have achieved nothing in my life, nothing to show. My own relatives look down at me, I mean nothing to them. My former overachieving mates shun me now just because in their eyes, I am a failure, a bum probably.

I kept asking myself, "Despite everything I did right, why does fate always kept being my nemesis?"

"Is this all I ever become ? "

As fall graces us completely among the rich fiery red and brown foliage in 2 months, my birthday will pass by, another year older, and nothing still achieved yet.