My Melting Brain...

It is hot enough to make your brains melt down here. The short downpour yesterday during the late evening was a measly and tame affair compared to the flaming heat the sun is devilishly putting us through each day.

I have not been my normal self these past few days. I have been guilty of backsliding on the self-study plans I made, and basically I have not been following all the plans that I had set out to do these few days.

Instead, self-doubt had been tormenting and taunting my soul and mind. I kept asking myself, will all the plans I have made have an end result one day or will everything become useless? Am I cheating myself, lulling myself into a false reality? Am I chasing the wind? Too many conflicting thoughts had been waging war in my brain.

I felt sad and angry how those very people who hurt keep pretending that their past actions was not at fault for the drastic changes that caused my life to go downhill. They keep concocting elaborate lies trying to make it appear how everything that is wrong in my life is somehow originated from my own doing. I am tired and sick at how callous people can be.
I was the proverbial geek in high school. I always worked hard, never partied, adhered to a self imposed curfew without ever an adult really to care what would happen to me even if I had stayed out late. After all this, still the callous adults in my life managed to destroy everything I had worked hard for.
I keep trying to repair what I never destroyed in the first place. And it is tiring to keep on repeating the motions, like a endless, ongoing jail term for a crime I never committed.
Sad, tired, and angry.