That Dreaded Gap Year

It is official. I am entering a gap year. Again. The story of my life. Well, from a different perspective, I could think that all of the diligent and great scholars of the past centuries started out flat out broke. Instead of worrying about money and the materialistic world outside, they devoted themselves completely to the great books and the act of garnering knowledge (I am consoling myself with this thought!).

Well, I guess I am starting from scratch at this point.
One would think after all the stuff I have been through( and I only shared the surface, I have not started peeling the layers of my life yet in this blog), I would have been more prepared to face this disappointment heads on. Yet, surprisingly the human mind never fails to surprise you at how fragile and sensitive it is.
I try to hide behind a sarcastic attitude and a wry sense of humour, but when something hits me hard, I find it hard to stand back on my feet again, probably because I keep going through life's bloody disappointments over and over again. Contrary to the old adage, Practice Does Not Makes Something Or Someone Perfect.

My mind has been on a crazy roller coaster ride these two weeks. My thoughts and worries keep me awake at nights and each day when bloody headaches and migraines overwhelm me, I will sleep for 2-3 hours in the afternoons. Meaning, I skipped my lunches and I already don't eat breakfasts. I would wake up hungry with the headaches none the better.

My decision to go at this life alone has become even more firmer. It really hit me hard that I don't really and truly have anyone to depend on. Even for emotional support. I just hope that this decision of mine does not turn me into an even more jaded and bitter individual in the end.

I am slowly trying to stand up again to chase those idealistic ambitions of med school and my academic dreams again. Let it be slow. Let it be hard. At least it will true and honest, with all of my heart poured into it.

Sincerely,
Miss Kyrie
A dreamer, an idealist, and a scholar.