Walking Through Darkness

Why do the same places that have existed so long in my visual range suddenly appear to become darker and bleaker? I stare straight ahead, I twist my head and look around but everything near and far seem to have enveloped into a background of foggy darkness.
Why am I seeing the world around me suddenly in such a way?

Could it be because I am feeling trapped in this life I am living, unable to reach out to those academic ambitions which were carved within my heart since my childhood and accompanied me through my life's losses. In my darkest moments after my dad's death, these academic ambitions that I built had given me strength to continue on when I stood confused and alone, abandoned by everyone I loved and trusted.

I have been feeling confused and frustrated, my vision and thoughts becoming blurry and taken over by the gray matter . My mind in itself seem to have gone on a thought binge lately and every second countless of thoughts seem to be running through my brain, keeping me awake all night. Even for a few minutes, I wish for some peace, quietness and rest from my own mind. And during those hours when I finally sink into sleep, I find myself not wanting to wake up as I enter a world where my dad is still alive, I am attending my old high school again, and my life is colored by bright futures and hopes once more. Why do I want to leave that world and enter this one, albeit only consciousness standing in the way? Those dreams seem so real and my father seems so alive in them. If you believe in spirits, you can see from my perspective of belief that my father's spirit has sensed my sadness and has come back to see his daughter in her dreams.