A Tired and Confused Mind

The month of May had not gone down well with me. Everywhere I turned, it was all about graduations. Everyone seemed to be graduating, and a heavy feeling of sadness that I have not achieved anything in my life grabbed my heart and for weeks, I just could not leave the feeling behind. I guess that sadness hit me full force this week, as somehow I seemed to be trying to sleep that sadness, that dissatisfaction with my life away.

At first I thought it was probably the continuous storm and biting coldness outside that is making me so sleepy. I just started to feel so tired and at one minute I was in middle of typing something on my computer, and the next second, I come back to consciousness realizing that I have slept for more than 2 hours. I realized finally that my dissatisfaction with myself and the hopelessness that I am feeling is probably making me go on these sleep marathons despite myself (my mind and soul just feels so tired). I am an insomniac and this complete change of my conscious cycle is completely throwing me of track. However, even my sub-consciousness it seems is not ready to co-operate with me for the respite I need from my troubled mind as even my sleep was filled with confusing dreams.


An old classmate's nosy mother came by "supposedly" to see how I was doing.

Actually she came to flaunt that my classmate graduated and working in a fancy job while the younger daughter is studying in the field of studies that I desired for so long. The girl is studying at an expensive private college.


"What, after so many years you still have not achieved anything? " she booms.


"How long you gonna remain like this? Why don't you do something with your life? " she says.


Her daughters were spoilt and rich and had been bullies who made my life in high school a total nightmare. Now the dear saints' mother had come to rub salt in my already stinging wounds.
She loved to compare me with her children.

Her kids were never the brightest bulbs in high school.

I just can imagine the juicy gossips she will take back to our old small town on how the once top student of the local high school never achieved anything in her life.

She left with false pity but her face could not mask that triumph look that shinned wickedly in her eyes. She branded me a loser in her parting glance and words.

My heart filled with anger as I clutched my fist.

I knew I will obsessing over her words for days.

It seems I can never run away from these people however hard I tried.

My disappointment with myself is getting bigger each passing second.