Emotions ...Fragile

I have been feeling very tired lately. The constant drowsiness and continuous rejections of my scholarship applications have worked together in creating a general sense of apathy within me lately. In trying to prevent another gap year frm college, I must try to find scholarships. However, this seem to become a lost cause since I missed most of the deadlines for this year.
Instead of getting yet another panic attack, I found myself becoming detached and disinterested in everything. I am supposed to be doing a rabid last stab at seeking scholarships, but instead I keep feeling drowsy, uninterested in giving my full attention to the task at hand.
I know I have to buck up but sometimes the stark cold realities that surrounds me makes wonder will I ever go through university, will I ever fulfill my naive youthful ambitions that I cling onto more desperately than a baby kangaroo to its mother, or will I end up the failure that my dear uncles and witch aunt had predicted?
Even my friends that I grew up with, abandoned me as they march up ahead with their own bright futures. It pains me when recently one of my best friends back from high school, we were so close even after the school days, begin to look down on me and started treating me as if I am unimportant just because she has achieved everything. Both of us shared the same ambitions and wanted to pursue the same course. Family circumstances and the ever despised monster called money became obstacles to me in pursuing this coveted course but she managed to march ahead to achieve those ambitions. However, now she looks at me as if I am a nuisance and a loser. She doesn't even answer my calls or texts. I got the message. People measure you by your status and achievement. They don't look at you as a human being with emotions who went through so much hurdles in life just to get to the next step. Well I went through life alone ever since my teens and I will continue my journey. I just have to forget my so-called friends. Another lesson learned.