Relatives n False Hopes

I started a delerious search for scholarships the whole night yesterday through as many scholarship search engines as possible online n only stopped at 8 a.m. today morning. I started getting agitated about "what am I gonna do if I dont get any scholarships" and when I get myself immersed in this agitated state everytime, I will do this all night scholarship search till it reaches 8 am and sometimes even 9 am. The thing is it is difficult to find a scholarship tht matches one's profile n one has to shift through tons of scholarship websites for days till u find the one tht ur qualified 2 apply. I know if I dont get a scholarship , I would never be able to complete my studies. That wht my witch aunt n "I am so rich bow dwn 2 me" uncle Nicholas (Uncle Nick) whats anyway. One has 2 mind one 'p's n 'q's around uncle Nick or he takes the slightest misuse of word or even any small gesture as a insult, frm the way one talks to the way one walks.
They told me not to dream of ever getting either the degree I want or scholarship. If he is not going to help me, please dont stand me in my way. Once uncle Nick threw such a tantrum in my place insulting me, I had to miss a major exam. Rich uncle Nick had promised my dad whn he was dying tht he will help me with my studies but after my dad's death, whn I went 2 him 4 help for my studies (I only asked 4 a loan tht I promised to pay back), he totally insulted n humiliated me. He is my dad's bro (not the one married to the witch aunt). So I realized my stupid mistake in trusting these people. I never again will ask a single cent frm him n if anyone is reading this play pray tht I never be in a situation tht I hv to. I guess he never will realize how much all of his words n actions hv disraughted n affected me all through the years after my dad's death. U know how people like uncles n relatives come up 2 u after ur dad died n say I am like ur dad n dont worry well my uncles did tht too but after all the insults, mental torture n crying through my teenage life, I realized the futileness of looking for a father figure after ur real one dies. Dont buy into all tht crap or u will get hurt , escape as fast as u can. Uncle Nick wife is a sweet woman though but I rarely get 2 see her.
Stuff got worse after my dad's death n I alone became responsible 4 all of the unfinished stuff he left behind. There was simply no one there. I even had to fight tooth n nail 4 the house he left . Everything going on forced me to drop out of school even though I was in my senior year. Tht was the lowest point because everytime whn things got bad the only place I can find solace is within my books n studies. I fought n worked hard 2 go back to school n whn I finally did, I studied day n night, did not care bout my food,sleep,friends anything, nothing mattered 2 me n all my focus was 2 catch up with my studies since I hv been out of school for so long (2 years I am not proud 2 admit it but lack of money n all of the burdens tht I had 2 face following dad's death pushed me tht way). I completed school 2 my surprise with a couple of awards n with the best results in the graduating class. Guess I did a hat trick. But all of my efforts would not matter if I dont get 2 fulfill my ambition but I cant graduate frm college if I dont get sufficient scholarship. Where is tht karma whn u need it. At least my dad's karma should hv passed down 2 me since he was always doin volunteer work but maybe his name Samson was unluckly like in the bible.