Christmas Eve

Seems like I am wasting time staring at the computer right now. It is hard to concentrate on writing an essay with a headache. And I have been forgetting so many important stuff lately.
Oh, yeah Christmas eve, hope Uncle Bas and Uncle Tim do not come to rip my throat off like every other Christmas eve night. With so many uncles, I never received any Christmas presents since I was a kid from any of them. But my dad used to buy presents for their kids every Christmas and birthday, but I am not keeping score. When I was 6, my dad scrapped enough money to visit his parents, who were living abroad, for Christmas. Uncle Rick, my dad's youngest brother, gave me a doctor play kit then and I kept it for years, thrilled to receive such a precious and sudden gift. Then, my dad told me, he was the one who bought the present and asked my uncle to give to me. What a downer.
So, presents are a foreign term where I am concerned to my relatives. I used to send cards every Christmas to all my uncles and aunts, but never got any in return. So, this year I revolted. I did not send any cards to anyone. Did not even buy any. Ha Ha Ha.
So, no expectations, no disappointments is a concept that my family helped out to cultivate within me. Small stuff on their part, and life helped along to push that concept for me right to the heart.
Do I sound bitter? I don't mean to. Happy Christmas eve people and I am feeling guilty as usual for missing church this time around. But my faith right now is smaller than a tiny pebble and can't even finish a prayer without feeling bitter. Maybe next year, I will find my faith again.

There is pure goodness out there however, some where, so don't stop looking! Just that I am bored and fed up with this world right now.