Free Will

I wish I never woke up today. People and their selfish hearts greeted me once again.
Screaming, shouting, selfishly demanding for me to their every bidding, forgetting like usual, or have they remembered, that I am a human being who has her own emotions, dreams, God forbid.

For years, because of them, I had sacrificed even the simplest pleasure of youth. My life was filled with mindless rigor, when they say jump, I jump, when they say go fetch this, I fetch, a life subjugated by emotional blackmails. They had set out, to break that spirit of mine, for me to be forever in their clutches, a process they founds even easier when I was in the naive state of youth, for they were my world, the selfish adults who filled my meaningless void existence without the comforting hands of my late father to protect me.

And now, after all these years, as I finally start to realize that I have a right to feel, to think, to seek out my heart's own desires, these selfish adults could not comprehend my new found will of wanting to finally fight back, to break free forever from the twisted form of reality they had created for me. They despise my burgeoning shadow of a strength, they refuse to acknowledge my right to chase my own ambitions for once for a a change, and they are amazed that after all these years, I actually found my backbone again, deformed and bended it may be from years of hiding, cloistered within a closet.

Have not these people taken everything they could from me over the years, including my free will? What more they want from me?

The even used their twisted manipulations, incessantly suffocating selfish demands to force me again and again away from the path of education. They succeeded first in putting a stop to my high school education for some time, months that were filled with silent crying in a corner, and every time when I find my way back to that hope filled path of education, they will try to find a way to run me of from that path again. Years filled with silent hopes for an education, years filled with the desire to share care free laughter with friends just for a second.
One by one, even the closest friends left, tired of waiting for me to break free, to find myself once again.

I am not a mule. My back hurts from all the heaviness they weighed upon me over the years. I told them today, "I am not a dog. I want my free will again. I am not an animal in bondage. Leave me be. Please do not take my last morsel of mental and physical strength."

And they laughed in feigned amusement. They cannot look past their own selfishness, and they continue again, pretending not to register my pleas, to demand me following their suffocating biddings, shouting and screaming, my ears now still ringing from all that.

They get to me each time, trying to put me again under their fat ugly little thumbs, their own personal servant they feel, I must be obligated and responsible to put their selfish needs the center my universe under the namesake of family. However hard I try to pull away from them, I seem to fail miserably to achieve that point.

One day I am going to take off. Disappear forever from their focal point. Seek my educational pursuits, which is only thing still holding me together, far away where they can never get to me.
I will not tell them when I leave, I will lock my late dad's house, only leaving behind the traces of my memories, my cries to fill these selfish adults with frustration for losing their mule.
And they can stop dreaming that I will let them have the house (:, my only sweet revenge it will be.
I am planning for some time now to study far away, far from where I am right now. Hopefully, I will get that coveted scholarship and my mental torture will become a thing of the past one day.

Today's horoscope via iGoogle for this Libra gal:
Someone may provoke your wrath today by acting selfishly. You might choose to respond by withdrawing, yet your feelings won't necessarily diminish in power. You could even get more frustrated than ever, for an easy solution doesn't seem available. Don't make things worse by losing your cool. For now, saying the right thing is the smartest course of action - Rick Levine.