Ranting Again!

I have been feeling out of it lately. Have not been answering my cell phone at all lately because I am a natural born hermit and I am not interested in hearing any human's voice or seeing any human's face. I am perfectly happy with just me and my laptop.
I had called one of the scholarship places tht rejected me just now. It seems the reason that I did get the scholarship was because I got my deadlines mixed and I sent in my application after the required deadline. They are very strict with deadlines but they said I would have gotten the scholarship if I had adhered to the deadline. It would hv covered my educational expenses until I graduated and I guess I was stupid to hv missed it.
Another gap year, is that what I am facing now?
The nice lady put in my application for next year but wht bout this year?
Put off ur education for 2 semesters since u dont hv the money for ur tuition fees right now came back the answer. U can continue ur education next year. Most of ur scholarship applications got rejected right?
I am getting older and very insecure without any qualifications/degree to my name.
I took gap time frm high school whn dad died. And thn frm junior college because of gaps in my finances. Another gap year?
I can only depend on some money dad left tht I receive monthly, very small amount just for food and bills. Even tht will cease one day my uncles told me with cruel smirks. "Then wht will u do?" they asked.
" Just go to trade school and stop having ridiculous ambitions. Stop aiming so high. U dont deserve it, " witch aunt and Uncle Nick told me.
"Just go to work. U dont deserve a higher education," Uncle Nick told me in December.
"Thn one day whn ur old n gray save some money and go back to school like whn ur 40 "he added with a total air of arrogance.
Whn my dad and Uncle Nick were younger, my dad was the better student, in fact my dad it seemed was very briliant, but my grandfather had choosen to finance Uncle Nick's higher education at this top notch private university over my dad. My grandfather even forced my dad to give up the scholarship my dad received and had forced my dad to take many exams in Uncle Nick's place and even write Uncle Nick thesis and papers. Uncle Nick cheated his way through higher education and today he is this high ranking proffesor in one of the best universities in the world.
I am worried about my future. I had so much dreams when I was a teenager. If then I was told this where u are today , I would laughed my head off.
My dad's death had a huge impact in changing my future, I admit. But everytime I try to move on and chase my future and academic aspirations, I let my relatives get to me. My concentration will become so bad when I keep rethinking sth hurtful they say that I will let my focus go on my academic pursuits. The deadline I missed for instance. It was in December, the month Uncle Nick, witch aunt and Uncle Tim had tht huge screaming festival in my place. The time they yet again made me miss my exams. After they left, for weeks to end I was a total mess, rehashing every cruel world tht they directed towards me.
And they call themselves Christians, each one holding a high position in church. Bunch of hypocrites, each one of thm. It is people like this tht reduce my interest in returning to church.
My dad used to tell me, that he prefers to sit alone in church and pray because it is more peaceful and with a more holy atmosphere.